Confession

Well, I've decided to quit pretending that I'm oblivious and just come out and say it. I've hoped and prayed that maybe it's not true, but after much more thought and reflection, I feel that it must be the only thing keeping me from finding that special man in my life. Obviously if you read my blog, then you read my pity party from last week and know I've been trying to figure out what is so wrong with me that I don't get asked out.

Soooo, I think I've figure it out. It must be because I'm pleasantly plump. I don't want to say "fat" because I hate that word, but it must be the only reason. I mean I have a great personality (as I pointed out last week) and I am capable of doing countless things. Losing weight has always been a hard feat for me. I've never been skinny. Even when I was a kid, I was hefty. But the amazing thing was, my family, especially my mom never made me feel "fat." I think that is why I am the way I am. I know that I'm not the skinniest person in the world, but I also have never looked at myself as a huge cow either. I was taught to love myself no matter what and I do. It's funny because (and I've told my mom and sister this), when I look in the mirror, I must not see what everyone else sees. The only time I really feel disgusted with myself and truly see myself as I must look is when I go to buy new clothes.

So, this year one of my New Year's goals is to lose weight. Not for anyone else, but myself. So that I can be healthy. There are too many things that run through my family to not want to do everything I can to keep myself healthy. Cancer, heart disease, diabetes, etc. Being overweight does not help with any of these. So I am doing this for MYSELF. I can't believe I'm even writing about this on here. It's something that I have apparently been secretly ashamed of and didn't want to admit to the whole world, but I figure if I make myself vulernable and accountable, then I will definitely stick to it. Especially if I have all of the support I'm sure I have from my incredible family and friends.

So, I'm going to say it. My goal is to lose at least 10 pounds a month. I would like to be half the size I am today. I won't say what that is just because I'm still not to the point where I want to say. It took a lot for me to even write what I have. Therefore, the picture I took is of a pile of clothes that will be going to Goodwill. Yes, I cleaned out my closet tonight and got rid of all of my summer and spring clothes. If that's not motivation I don't know what is. My plan is that even if I kept them, then they would be too big. So, I should have a new and smaller wardrobe come spring and summer.

On another note, back to feeling that my weight must be the only thing keeping the men folk away. I told my sister this too. If it is the only reason I can't get a man, then I think it is sad. Sad that people don't look past that at who a person is rather than how they look. I also told her that I will pissed if when I become healthy (and smoking hot) that the fellas I know now want me because that will prove that my theory is true and how I look is the only reason I don't have a man. But like I said, I'm not going to bank on it being the only reason. I am doing this for ME, MYSELF, and I!!!